Henry VIII’s Tinder Profile: Swipe Right for Trouble
- Dana Arpquest
- Aug 15
- 1 min read
What if the most infamous king in English history had a dating app? Picture Henry VIII, crown slightly tilted, thumb hovering over his phone as he searches for wife number six. From his obsession with heirs to his string of dramatic breakups, Henry’s love life was nothing short of scandalous.
In this series, Love, Lies and Crowns, I reimagine what historical figures might say on Tinder. Starting with the Tudor monarch whose search for love changed England forever.
Name: Henry Tudor
Age: 55 (but let’s not dwell on my cholesterol)
Location: Hampton Court Palace
Occupation: King of England. Defender of the Faith (until I wasn’t).
Full-time husband, part-time head-chopper.
About Me:
On the hunt for Wife #6.
Must love feasts, intrigue, and pretending the Tower of London is just a sightseeing spot.
Bonus points if you can give me a son.
I’m a romantic at heart. If your idea of romance involves jousts, theology,
and rewriting marriage law.
Swipe right if you’re ready to be my queen (for now).
Interests:
Breaking with Rome
Lavish banquets
Naming my daughters after my exes
Long walks to the scaffold (for others, not me)
Red Flags:
🚩 Serial divorcer
🚩 Beheaded two wives (messy breakups, really)
🚩 Excommunicated by the Pope
🚩 Desperate for an heir
Swipe right on Tudor drama!
Henry’s love life might be a joke,
but the real court intrigue was deadly serious. Step into the Tudor court
with Court of Lies https://amzn.to/4mJKlTi
Enjoyed Henry VIII’s Tinder profile? Stay tuned . Next up is Anne Boleyn, the queen who could swipe left on a king.
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